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September 2009

The Scarlet V

September 7, 2009

Avl-scarlet v

In the early morning hours of August 30, a young Brooklyn woman was abducted, savagely beaten and left bound to a utility pole. Her assailants also left her with an ominous message, the letter "V" crudely painted on her chest, presumably as a warning to others. Her transgression? Sharing a drink with a vampire co-worker from her office.

The woman, whose name has been reported simply as "Sheri B.," was discovered at 4:30 a.m. in an alley in the DUMBO area by a passerby walking his dog. She is currently listed in serious but stable condition at a local hospital. Police have no clear suspects in the case but are scouring cell phone camera footage collected from onlookers who arrived at the scene for possible leads.

This is the latest in a scattered trend of assaults targeting vampire-friendly citizens. In every case, the victim has been scourged with a bright red "V" scrawled on their person or clothing. Often written in the victim's own blood, the letter has been dubbed by news reporters as "The Scarlet V" and appears to have become a unifying symbol of terror for the nascent but increasingly violent anti-vampire movement.

For the AVL, these attacks mark a most regrettable moment we hoped would never arrive: The day when a human is injured for standing up against the persecution of vampires. If it weren't for the generous help of all our human AVL supporters, the Vampire Rights Amendment would still be a joke bandied about Congress and many vampires would still be living in the shadows, a persecuted minority. The AVL won't forget the contributions our human friends have made, and we're working vigorously with law enforcement to expedite the investigation of these hate crimes and bring their perpetrators to justice. And rest easy, Sheri B. We're doing everything in our power to prevent this from happening to anyone else.


Breaking News: Violent Videos Proven Fake

September 2, 2009

Video Proof Vampire attack was faked00:12

Video Proof Vampire attack was faked.

After weeks of research into the source of Internet video clips purporting to show vampire violence, the Intolerance Watch has unearthed conclusive evidence of how the clips were manufactured. The newly uncovered amateur clip is very short, but appears to refute the authenticity of a Youtube clip labeled "Couple Murdered by Vampires." The fraudulent clip purports to show a couple in a car immediately after they've been attacked by vampires. But the new video above clearly shows one of the supposed victims moving while pretending to be dead.

"We expect to be able to refute more of these disgusting, underground attacks," says IW chief investigator Hector Pope. "But unfortunately, Swift Boat tactics have become a fact of life in the Internet age."


Is the U.S. Government Secretly Arming Against Vampires?

September 1, 2009

The conservative-leaning American Decider magazine this week published a story claiming that the Pentagon is developing a devastating new attack helicopter, specifically targeted at vampires. The craft, which the piece says would be a next-generation Apache, is said to be armed with a specially designed automatic gun that could deliver 10,000 hardened Ipe spikes per second, with potentially devastating effect.

The article also makes reference to a secret program nicknamed "New Dawn" that is said to be developing a V-Bomb — a phosphorous explosive device so powerful that it could simulate daylight for a square mile.

The main source for the piece is disgraced Defense Department operative William "Wild Bill" Simens, whom the magazine describes as a "notorious procurer, famed for cigar waving enthusiasm and prodigious bourbon consumption." Although Simens was publicly excoriated for his role in a number of post-9/11 prisoner rendition cases, it is believed that he is still employed by the Pentagon. He is quoted in the article as saying that the Defense Department planned no specific action against vampires, but considered the arms "kind of a version of 'trust and verify.'"


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