August 2010

When Mama's Right, She's Right

August 30, 2010

So me and Hoyt. How 'bout that. You know what I keep askin' myself?

What would it look like?

We can't get married. Not legally, at least. I mean, we could go to Vermont, but it doesn't really mean anything anywhere else and I don't want to live in Vermont. Can't have kids. Maxine so kindly reminded me of that the first time we met. So I guess it'd just be us. Me and Hoyt. Hoyt and me. Maybe we could combine our last names. The Hambenberrys.

Or the Fortenbys. I don't know if I could introduce myself to anyone as Jessica Hambenberry without crackin' up. And Fortenby doesn't sound too good neither. And our bed! Bed is important, right? Everybody has their "side." Maybe Hoyt'd be on the left, the right side could be mine. He could have his comics on the nightstand. And some gummy bears, he likes to munch on those when he can't sleep sometimes... This all, of course, could only work if our bed was in a cubby and Hoyt somehow became nocturnal. I wonder how I could convince him of that?

The truth is, I don't know what it would look like. And that's half of what I love about bein' with Hoyt. And the other half? Well, that’s private :)

My mama once said that people will always surprise you. I didn't know what she meant, or maybe I didn't believe it. People in my life, back when I was human, were oh so predictable. But Hoyt? When I told him the truth about me? When I unzipped my outsides and let him take a peek inside, so he could see there's almost nothin’ else there besides V and some old-fashioned female insecurity, he surprised the hell outta me. Hoyt Fortenberry, I dare say you proved my mama right.

Bloodsucking: The Pros and Cons

August 23, 2010


  • I was saved from hell on earth (AKA the Hambys).
  • Some guys think it's hot, like Tommy.
  • I can protect the man that I love.
  • Blood tastes so damn good.
  • I won't have to worry about wrinkles!
  • No more curfews!
  • I can say "fuck" all I want. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
  • I have a new family now. Bill, Sookie, Pam, Bon Temps… Beats the hell outta bein' surrounded by holy rollers!


  • People who don't even know me hate me just because of what I am.
  • My virginity is immortal. Tragic.
  • I'm a freak of nature!
  • Blood tears. Gross. Major gross.
  • The term "sunburn" takes on a whole new meaning.
  • I get fang boners, totally embarrassing!

My Name is Not April

August 16, 2010

I've been havin' the weirdest dreams lately. And you know who's in all of 'em? Jonathan Taylor Thomas. It's always the same. He's my boyfriend, he comes over one mornin' to make breakfast but the fridge is empty. So we go to the grocery store to buy waffles - he loves waffles - and Hoyt is the checkout boy. He looks so cute in that little orange smock.

But he won't look at me, it's like I'm not even there. He tells Jonathan how lucky he is to have a girl like me, how he once had a girlfriend with red hair too. And then a voice comes over the loudspeaker to announce a sale in aisle twelve. Jonathan starts screamin' about how boysenberry syrup goes better with Eggos than the maple kind, and then all of a sudden, he shifts into a werewolf, just like the ones I saw the other night. He goes runnin' out the slidin' doors and Hoyt looks up at me like I only just appeared at that very moment, out of thin air. He says, hello April. And I say, my name's not April, it's Jessica. And that's when I wake up. Every time.

Now I don't know what Jonathan Taylor Thomas has to do with any of this, besides the fact that I thought he looked cute in an old issue of Emily Frost's Tiger Beat Magazine that we stole from her big sister. But for some reason, it got me thinkin' about crushes. I had all sorts of 'em when I was human. But they were fun and flowery and full of notebook doodles and notes passed across the pews. Now that I'm a vampire, bein' attracted to a boy feels different. It's like a burnin' in my stomach, an insatiable itch. And even though it feels bad, like I'm breakin' some sort of law of nature, I can't help it. It's in me, down to my bone marrow.

It's kind of like that song from the musical we used to picket on the weekends, the one about all the people with AIDS. The women are tellin' each other they just wanna be themselves and for that to be okay, for that to be enough. That's how I feel. Bein' a vampire can be effin' awesome. I get to kick the shit outta werewolves, I can run fast (I mean REAL fast) and if I wanted, I could turn that little turd Summer into breakfast. And it sounds weird, but I never felt so alive in my life. But...havin' a crush on a human?

Tryin' to have a relationship with a human? Sucks. Big time.

Maybe bein' a vampire isn't all that.

Guess Who's Home?

August 09, 2010

True Blood Season 3 Jessica's Vlog Episode 8 (HBO)01:07

True Blood Season 3 Jessica's Vlog Episode 8 (HBO)

Guess Special Guest Appearance!

August 02, 2010

True Blood Season 3 Jessica's Vlog Episode 7 (HBO)02:16

True Blood Season 3 Jessica's Vlog Episode 7 (HBO)

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