Having this blog as a record of my early memories in Bon Temps -- it means the world to me. I’ve got one last thing to share before I sign off for good. Pictures from my wedding! Can you believe it? Hoyt and I are married! It all happened so fast but I’m glad we took the leap. It just feels right to be on this journey with him.
You’ve all felt like my family, and even though you couldn’t be there to share the big day with me, I know you were all there in spirit.
By the way, my favorite picture is Hoyt sitting in Bill’s chair looking very "stately." Perhaps he has a new calling -- mayor? I may be overreaching, but I wouldn’t mind being first lady of Bon Temps…
A Father's Love
August 25, 2014
I found this video on my computer, that Bill left for me.
There really isn’t anything I can say.
I’ve watched it about a dozen times and I’m still kind of speechless...
If You Love Someone, Let Him Go
August 17, 2014
I’ve only got a minute, but I wanted to write something down so I will always remember how I feel in this exact moment. I’m laying here, in Hoyt’s bed, and he’s sleeping next me, doing that cute little lip-curl-thing he does when he’s dreaming. It’s almost like nothing’s changed. Like we are back in love and never missed a beat. But at the same time, everything feels so different...
Hoyt’s touch is stronger; he’s more confident. When he looks at me, it’s more intense, like he’s looking deeper inside me than he’s ever looked. But he’s still gentle and tender and his same ol’ sweet self. I know it sounds kind of cheesy, but it really does feel like Hoyt had to leave just so he could come back again.
And it’s not only Hoyt – there’s a whole list of things that are starting to feel exactly like they happened just the way they were meant to happen. Like meeting James in that camp, and his kindness towards me. He was meant to bring me out of that dark place I was in. We were meant to be with each other just long enough so he and Lafayette could find each other.
Even Jason and I, finding the other in our safe little bubble and then coming back to Earth? Turns out he’s always been just what I needed – a good friend.
And Bill. He released me tonight. When he did, all his power – that whole ‘ties of our blood’ thing – it’s just not there. I’ve got this empty feeling in my gut – or at least I did at first – but now even that seems to be filling in. I feel a new power coming from inside of me – a strength that is mine and mine alone. Like I’m not a baby vamp anymore and that I really can stand on my own two feet.
Is this what fate is? Feeling like everything in your life was meant to be and you really have no control? Or is fate just an idea that lets you accept the things in your life you can’t change, and appreciate the things you can? If the latter is true, then there is still one thing left for me to accept. I don’t know if I can – but I owe it to Bill to try.
A Good Man is Hard to Find
August 10, 2014
Is the Age of Miracles Past?
August 03, 2014
I don’t know what I’m doing here. Even typing these words feels so...wrong. I should be in there with Bill. I should be spending every last moment I can with him but I just can’t look at him anymore. Those veins look like ugly black snakes choking the life right outta him. And here I am, just sitting around, waiting for Sookie and her "miracle." I don’t know about you all, but I haven’t seen a whole lot a miracles happening around here lately.
I learned all about miracles growing up. Bible’s full of ’em. Birth of Jesus. Death of Jesus. Walking on water, burning bushes, floods, plagues -- those are the big ones, anyway. But how are you supposed to read about miracles in a two thousand-year-old book and somehow believe they can happen to you? I never did. Not really.
But then a miracle did happen to me -- and his name was Bill Compton. I wouldn’t have been made vampire without him, but I also wouldn’t be the vampire I am without him. Bill -- and Sookie -- they have been good to me. I owe whatever life I have to the both of them. And it’s scary to think about dying -- for good, but I have -- I mean, I am, thinking about it. And I’m thinking if there is any way for me to trade my life for Bill’s right now, so he could get his miracle...I think I might do it. I hope you all aren’t mad at me for saying that, but it just feels like it would be the right thing to do...