June 2008

Are vampires "coming out" in your community? Find out how to protect your family from their sinful existence.

June 29, 2008

The AVL and Nan Flanagan would have you believe that vampires are your friendly new neighbors and you should roll out the welcome wagon. Well before you head out after dark with a bundt cake to knock on the door of any CoD, know this — your children and you are NOT safe from bloodsuckers. If you have CoDs moving into your community here are our top three ways to ward off a vampire that everyone can do. There are more advanced methods for true eradication (silver stakes, holy water, stakes through the heart and beheadings) but that's for another article.

  1. A Crucifix —As kryptonite is to Superman, so is a crucifix to a CoD. Keep the sinful creatures away. But remember — we're not talking a simple cross. A crucifix must have our Lord And Savior Jesus Christ on it.
  2. Garlic — Put it around your windows and doors to ward off the CoDs. Wear it around your neck. You know what stinks more than garlic? Getting bitten by a vampire.
  3. Shine a light — You know those lamps that help people with depression during the winter months because they are like daylight? We figure you put a bunch of those around your front porch or entry way and leave the lights burning to protect you and your family from any unwanted "neighborly" drop-ins.

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