September 2008

Suspicions grow around Rev. Theodore Newlin's "accident"

September 25, 2008 At first news, The Reverend's death appeared to be yet another example of modern tragedy — a great leader cut short on time before he could mold this country to his personal vision. Upon further investigation, however, the Fellowship of the Sun has uncovered facts that may prove that foul play was responsible, that this was an ASSASSINATION. The Fellowship is cooperating with police to verify and trace this evidence, though we are also employing every private resource at our disposal to determine whether The Reverend WAS in fact MURDERED BY VAMPIRES. In any case, it won't be long before we know whether our beloved spiritual leader was the victim of a terrible mishap — or the very first casualty of World War Three.

Dark Days Indeed

September 24, 2008

In spite of the repeated accusations and blood slinging of AVL types and other CoDs, FoS is NOT about blaming every societal ill on vampires. For instance, the current economic crisis is not directly due to blood suckers.

INDIRECTLY, however, there is a trickle down economic theory at work here. Where do you think the idea of predatory lending practices came from in the first place? Let us not forget that predators beget predators and the more these CoDs are among us, the more those values and behaviors are in the air. What begins as an innocent drink of synthetic blood, becomes a thirst for the real thing, much as the first taste of credit begets a hunger for a sub-prime jumbo loan. We must beware of the ways these parasitic practices ultimately shakes the very foundation of our society!!

Faithful across the country turn out in support of Rev. Newlin's legacy.

September 22, 2008

While nothing could replace the benevolent and inspired leadership of Rev. Theodore Newlin, the reverend himself — a deeply humble man — would have been honored by the Fellowship's response to his passing. In towns from Missoula to Charleston, dedicated servants of the Lord have stepped forward to remind their communities that no event, no matter how tragic, can slow our campaign for a safe and righteous society. Your prayer services, sit-ins at Tru Blood distributors and recruitment drives have done so much to show America — and the vampires that have infiltrated it — that the Fellowship will not back down from a fight. And fight, we will. These vampires may be untouched by death, but our cause is truly Immortal.

Beloved Fellowship leader Rev. Theodore Newlin lost to tragic car accident

September 15, 2008

RIP Rev. Newlin

Dear Friends
Fots-02 colorfulcandle
Our family, and the entire Fellowship family has suffered an unthinkable tragedy. As many of you no doubt know, the Reverend Theodore Newlin, tireless crusader for our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, protector of His children, and founder of the Fellowship of the Sun, died this weekend at the age of 59. His wife Yvette and 18-month-old baby Bethany also perished in the terrible, terrible accident that claimed him.
As we focus our thoughts heavenward in an effort to grapple with our devastation, we find comfort in the fact that all three are in the embrace of the Lord, and we look forward to that day that we will see them all again and share His love. And, at the same time, we are steeled by the Reverend's lifetime mission: to protect humanity from evil that everyday attempts to infiltrate our midst. To those who support the undead, Satan's legions who live off the very blood that is Christ's gift to humanity, be forewarned: We who remain will pick up the crusader's sword still clutched by the fallen angel and we will wield it mightily - and we will never, ever cease until the last of the evil minions are eradicated.
To those that have offered their prayers and condolences, God Bless you. You honor their memory with your faith and your perseverance.
"Dad, we will never, ever stop the fight against the great Satan and his armies. Rest now, and we will see you on God's golden shores after we have erased this great stain from His kingdom, and the trumpet of purity and truth has sounded throughout the land. We love you."
Steve Newlin
September 15, 2008

Disease? Condition? Or Just Plain Evil? EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW!

September 10, 2008

If you're at all following the Vampire Crisis, you've probably heard someone refer to Vampirism as a "condition" or even "a disease." I am here to tell you that nothing could be further from the truth - Vampirism not a simple affliction, it is a hideous, non-human aberration, an evil "lifestyle" of depravity.

I recently had the pleasure of sitting down with Dr. James "Jim-Jim" Jameson, a licensed physician, lay minister and head kinesiologist for the Baton Rouge Blast Arena Football team (2007 record: 10-6). Dr. Jameson was kind enough to lend his expertise to shed some light on the medical basis of Vampirism. Let's get straight to the point: Is Vampirism a disease?

JJ Well, it might surprise you to learn that the medical definition of "disease" is rather loose. "A deviation from the normal structure" of an organ or system can be defined as a disease. Common sense tells you more, however. Diseases tend to be involuntary. And, let's face it, deadness is a heck of a deviation from the normal structure. What is medically known about how Vampires are made?

JJ Advances are being made every day, but we still have gaping holes in our knowledge --- until recently there hasn't been a lot of funding for vampire research. We do know that much of the literature has proven to be myth - we know that Vampire bites don't create vampires, even when repeated three times. There doesn't appear to be a virus that causes vampirism, although one might be discovered. What do we know about Vampires' powers and abilities?

JJ Again, most of our information is anecdotal. They are exclusively nocturnal. They don't breathe or eat, except for blood. The addictive nature of Vampire blood in humans suggests that it has narcotic and palliative effects on people. You hear stories that people enjoy heightened awareness and the perception of more powerful senses. I wouldn't be surprised if more is discovered as time goes by. They didn't teach us much in medical school about the undead, obviously. In your medical opinion, can Vampires live peacefully with humans, even with TruBlood?

JJ The question is a little beyond my training - or any doctor's, I would think. But from a physiological point of view, I think it is instructive to think of Vampires and people as animals on a food chain. And in a quite obvious way, a Vampire is a predator - it has the fangs, the feeding habits and the sensory tools to succeed as such. There have been examples in history of predators and prey coexisting. But there are also examples of sudden revival of instinct, after years or even decades. Think of those tiger trainers in Las Vegas. They perform thousands of shows with their animals, think of them as members of their families. And one day, out of the blue, for no explainable reason, the tiger isn't a member of the family - he's a razor toothed killer staring at a snack in a sequined jacket.

And there you have it, folks. In the words of a leading physician, integrating Vampires makes about as much sense as integrating tigers. If the word of the word of the Holy Bible and your fellow Christians isn't enough to convince you, maybe this "scientific" opinion will!!!

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